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Maria - May 30, 2023
Life, God, the universe or whatever we believe in does not always give us what we wish. Sometimes it does and that is awesome but when it doesn't the following helps me to keep on track.
"Life happens for me, not to me" - Tony Robbins
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” - Jim Rohn.
During the last year I have started to develop effective habits such as
- Visualizing my goals
- Meditation
- Morning powerwalks feeding my mind
- Gratitude practice
- Evening meditation with cleansing process
- Feeding my mind reading at least 30 minutes
With love,
Maria
Maria - May 22, 2023
A relationship is a space to give. We all long for passion. It is created when we feel safe, appreciated, respected, and loved. To create passion we need to choose wisely. Now maybe you are thinking of the choosing of your mate. Indeed, it is important but even more important is which part of us we choose to show up. After a long day or during the day it is so easy to take our loved one for granted or to not show appreciation. But by consciously choosing how to show up and be the best version of ourselves we raise our standards and thereby the quality of our relationship. The state of a union is based on the state of you. I love that. It is powerful because this means that I need to focus more on myself and how I love. When I do that, I get so much love back!
When we have date nights or some time for ourselves, we do lovestacking. Lovestacking is remembering precious moments that we have enjoyed. We paint the memory vividly just as if we were there once again and feel even more in love. Once a week we ask what the best moments of us. It is so exciting because Mats can sometimes capture moments that I did not register. Or he can say something I did that really made him feel loved. This makes me feel so abundant in love. Gratitude and appreciation truly end suffering.
When you are grateful, you are rich! Tony Robbins
This is something to keep in mind since the law of familiarity kicks in with our significant other. The law says that if you are around anything or anyone long enough you tend to take it a little bit for granted.
Lovestacking and showing up as the best version of ourselves makes us raise the standard that our union is sacred and worth investing in. And by doing so and being curious we find a new side of us individually and as a union. It is so exciting to truly get to know somebody. I cannot get enough of my Mats <3
With love,
Maria
Maria - May 13, 2023
In the beginning of our relationship, we were determined to understand each other as much as possible. One of the tools that we use is personality types. In the beginning your significant other is always exciting and interesting. The small, weird stuff that you fully don’t get are cute but after some time they can become frustrating. Conflict often arises from the lack of understanding of each others temperaments. This is since we have different personality types. There are several personality frameworks. We chose “Personality plus” written by Florence Littauer.
Personality plus delves into how each type responds to different situations, how they interact with others, and how to identify which type you and others are. The book also offers advice on how to get along better with those who are different from us, as well as providing tips on how to use your strengths to bring out the best in yourself and others.
Every person has a unique personality that is composed of four basic temperaments: sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic. People with different temperaments think, feel, and behave differently. Every person is unique and we do not have all these traits BUT we use this as a guideline to have common ground in our understanding and communication.
Understanding the differences between our personality and other´s personality helps us to be kinder to ourselves and appreciate our loved one to build a strong loving relationship.
My main personality type is powerful choleric. I am a doer that always has a goal, decides quickly, takes charge to get things done. This is great but my pitfall is that I need to practice having more patience.
Mat’s main personality type is perfect melancholic. He is analytical, gets excited in organizing and sees all the details. This is great but his pitfall is that is difficult to relax and to not see everything that is not perfect.
So we help each other out. Let me take 2 examples.
One is from today. We woke up early and had some time to ourselves. We went out to the terrace and enjoyed the view. It is so beautiful now in the spring. Mats started immediately to plan which trees to groom to have an even better view while I just enjoyed the moment. I then gave Mats a kiss and said. Let´s do that but now we enjoy this moment here and now. We both laughed.
The other example is from a few days ago. Mats went on a business trip. I asked “How did it went?” He started to explain all the details and I was completely lost. He saw that and asked “Does the choleric in you want the summary of the results first?”. OMG, yes please. He told me and then I could follow along with all the details.
With love,
Maria
Maria and Mats - May 4, 2023
When we started to date it just clicked. Everything felt wonderful but we both knew that it takes commitment to continue to nurture our love, passion, and companionship. We decided to start applying what we have learned from past relationships. Our starting point was that our relationship is a place to give not receive.
Therefore we started with the book “The 5 love languages” written by Gary Chapman
“If we want to be loved, then the first step is to express love to others” Gary Chapman
In the beginning of a relationship, it is easy to feel excited and seen since everything is new. Once the honeymoon period of a relationship ends, it’s important to be able to make the other person feel consistently and sustainably loved and appreciated. We need to keep our partner´s love tank full.
But when two people don´t speak the same primary love language this becomes difficult. We have experienced in previous relationships to give so much but still the other have stated to not feel seen or loved. This have been very frustrating but know we understand that the reason was that we showed love as we wanted the other to express love to us.
This just does not work since we are different. You can express as much love or appreciation as you like in a language someone else doesn’t value or understand and it will fall on deaf ears. If you don’t know what’s happening, that can feel a lot like rejection or indifference which can quickly undermine a relationship.
On the other hand, when two people know and learn to speak each other’s primary love language they can quickly and easily communicate mutual love and appreciation. They are able to make sure they each feel loved and validated. We all prefer speaking (receiving/giving) in one or two primary love languages. That preference is often influenced by the way we receive love as we grow up.
So we took the tests in the book and found out our own primary love languages.
Maria´s love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. Therefore Mats shows love by heartfelt compliments and prioritize quality time without mobile phone just for the 2 of us. Those of you that knows me Mats well know that it is a commitment from my part 😊
Mats’s love languages are physical touch and quality time. Therefore Maria shows love by lots of hugs, holding hands, when eating dinner touch feet and smile. Maria also prioritizes time to just be the two of us.
Gary Chapman’ quote about love is insightful:
"The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires."
The understanding of the love languages is a good reminder for us of how to express love and appreciation. It gives us common ground to ask each other how filled our love tank is.
With love,
Maria and Mats
Maria and Mats- April 29, 2023
We met and fell in love over two years ago. There is an advantage of falling in love in the middle of life. Both have been married, divorced, and had long-term relationships behind us. We have both given a lot but also made a lot of mistakes. We are human. When we met and got to know each other, we decided that it would be the two of us for the rest of our lives. We knew that the glorious crush is not enough to make a relationship continue to develop. We decided to do things right from the beginning, choosing each other every day and using the tools we knew of to keep love and passion alive. Our relationship is not perfect. We work on it constantly, but we feel unconditional love and have a lot of fun together. We create fun and memories in our day to day life. This is especially important as we don't have much time for just the two of us as we have our amazing children, dog, house, etc.
In this series, we will therefore share with you the tools that we use ourselves. And we're constantly looking for new ones, so if you know of any, we'll be grateful for tips!
In the next blog we will share how we show and express love so that the other person really feels loved and seen!
With love,
Maria and Mats
Maria and Mats- April 21, 2023
On Monday we celebrated our birthdays and had some time to reflect on life and what really makes us humans successful and happy. We like to read a lot of personal development material, have experienced quite a lot ourselves and everyone states how important it is to operate your own mind to get more out of life.
No matter what happened in our lives in the past. This exact moment is a new opportunity. The past does not equal the future. What changes your life is not learning more. What changes your life is making decisions using your personal power and taking actions. We need to start and continue to dare to dream. You can find our dare2dream exercises and meditations here.
After you find your dreams then you need to set a deadline for them to become realà they become WOW goals. WOW goals from our inner heart and mind makes us grow. These are goals that excite us and makes us want to get up in the morning!
We need to have discipline and a clear WHY we do it. And we can shorten the time to get there by working with someone that has walked the walk, like a coach.
The last decade we have had coaches that helps us stay on track. Coaching is a mix of the business world, sports, and personal development. It is having a mentor who supports you in turning the goals into milestones, creating action plans and setting check points. A personal trainer who keeps you motivated and on track, a feedback person that gives you objective feedback and helps you improve your performance and habits. A coach also has the role of neutral partner, i.e. a person who has you and your goals as an interest.
Every human being has an infinite amount of potential, but we often get stuck in what we need to do on a daily basis. Take time to see how you can get more out of life by dreaming and setting goals that you really want. We are 100% dedicated to walking your paths and unlocking your potential so YOU can be more YOU. So that you achieve what you truly desire while being happier and enjoying life more. We can do it either by business coaching working with 3 WOW goals or hot seat coaching depending on your wishes. Find out more at here.
With love,
Maria and Mats
Maria - April 13, 2023
Welcome back to the last blog series about my dream of becoming a mother. In the last episode I talked about how I faced my pain. Facing the darkness within me was painful but it opened to feeling more happiness and peace. To be more alive. There and then my passion for personal development was born. My passion to constantly get better. My passion to be more Maria. Something I still enjoy and work with today.
After a lot of back and forth, the Swedish social authorities approved me to be allowed to adopt. Now I could finally get in line to any country that accepted single mothers. There weren't many countries to choose from. The country you choose would also do an investigation! It was just a matter of continuing. At this point I was used to it taking a long time, but I also got used to believing 100% in myself, my capacity, my dream and my goal.
I wanted a child from South America who was under three years old as I come from Peru. I thought it would be easier for the child to continue speaking Spanish and wished to be involved as soon as possible. Unfortunately, that was not an option. I chose Vietnam as I wanted to have as small a child as possible. Just before I was about to start preparing all the papers, I got a call. It had been a year since I stood in line. The call came from my investigator at the Adoption Center who told me that Colombia wants to start international adoption for small children and single people. She asked if I wanted to be a pilot for international adoption. If I wanted to!
This showed me that when we make a choice, believe it and feal it deeply, the universe (God or whatever we believe in) works for us. And new doors open.
I sent all the application papers to Colombia. This time psychologists also had to examine me with, among other things, an IQ test. I went on with my life and was perfectly OK with letting time take its course because I knew my child was waiting for me when the time was right. I had started to have faith instead of fear. Both faith and fear need us to believe in something we cannot see. I chose to believe that it would work out. I continued to visualize and prepare for my baby's arrival. I bought a stroller and practiced what it would be like to drive around. The joy and gratitude for that gave me the strength to keep going.
I read this quote from Martin Luther King JR often during that period.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you do not see the whole staircase. “
And I took all the steps in the right order of sending application documents with additions. After several months I was also approved in Colombia. Now it was just a matter of waiting! The stork was finally on its way 😊
One beautiful winter day I received an email that described in three sentences that a boy was looking for a family. The email went to everyone who was approved to adopt by the Swedish and Colombian authorities. There was really nothing special about that email. I had received several before but this time it was a voice that whispered:
”This is it. This is your baby.”
The voice was calm and relentless. There was no doubt whatsoever that this was my child. Actually, the timing was not optimal because I had just changed jobs and was still on probation. But I thought: “This is my dream. On my deathbed I don't want to regret anything, so it has to make or break. I will solve it somehow”.
And I did. My employer was understanding, gave me permanent employment and I even got to come back to an even more exciting position 13 months later. The Colombian authorities approved me to apply to be Gabriel's mother and be tried in Colombia. So, in January 2018 I flew to the other side of the globe. To a warm and beautiful city called Valledupar in Colombia. There I got to meet my son Gabriel one morning. It was an indescribable feeling, not euphoric happiness but more of a calm, secure happiness. When I held my son for the first time, I whispered “I love you and will be with you until my last breath. You are chosen and special. Thank you for letting me be your mother.” Actually, that's something I tell my son every night.
Below you can see our very first meeting.
The time in Colombia was demanding as I was often scrutinized by various bodies. I focused every day on building memories between us and documenting as much as possible. We had a lot of closeness and enjoyed together just being close to each other. Here was the view from our terrace.
After five weeks in Colombia with approval from social workers, psychologists, etc. on site, we were at the penultimate milestone. Signing the adoption papers.
In the spring of 2018, we flew back to Sweden. My son and me. It was great to know that I would be allowed to take care of my son, enjoy him, and watch him grow up. He was in my arms the whole trip except for take-off and landing when we held hands.
My dream came true. I finally became a mother. The beauty of dreams and goals is that they make us grow as people. I learned many lessons from this dream:
With love,
Maria
Maria - April 6, 2023
Christmas Eve has always been a special date for me. Christmas Eve 1991 was the day we arrived in Sweden for the first time when I was ten years old. The day we arrived as political refugees with the hope of staying and building our new life here. Christmas Eve 2016 was the day I got in line for adoption and filed for divorce. It came after I had experienced so much pain in trying to become a mother. Read more about it in the previous blog section. Both events have in common that a decision was made that changed my entire destiny. In 2016, the decision was mine.
After making the BIG decision to file for divorce and get in line to adopt as a single mother, it felt amazing. I had taken ACTION and thus control over my life and my destiny again. I focused entirely on following the dream of becoming a mother and actively chose not to process my divorce. It simply hurt too much to wallow in grief. I was absolutely sure that I could carry out the adoption. Immediately after the holidays, I contacted the Adoption Center and social authorities. I learned from both that my chosen path to motherhood takes years and is difficult. You must be completely healthy, mentally strong, have a good social network, good finances, etc. And I was asked: Can you handle it? Do you have what it takes? I remember how shocked I was by the questions. Little did I know that I would hear those questions constantly for two years. I started to mentally prepare myself that this is going to be an emotional marathon. Therefore, it was important for me to have milestones that I could celebrate to persevere.
Yes, my friends you read that right. To adopt, you need to attend parenting training. At the first training session, everyone was asked to introduce themselves. We were 30 people. It was like being on Noah's Ark. There were only couples there, a girl and me. Almost all couples told how they had tried to have children without success and that they were afraid of being alone and thus losing the chance to become a parent since as it was unthinkable for them to do it themselves. I saw the other girl shrink so I took her hand and whispered.
"We can handle this. Humans have infinite potential if we have a clear why. And we have. Now we must grow for the sake of our children who are somewhere in the world and need us.”
I whispered it to her and hoped it would sink in with me too.
During the training, I found out more about how international adoptions work. What you as a parent should expect, etc. There was a lot of focus on challenges and all the hard stuff. More than half of all who took part in the course dropped out. I remember how I cried after each course session and asked for strength to be able to see the positive that still existed. Focus on the fact that it is certainly difficult, and a lot can go wrong. But a lot can go right too. Tony Robbins repeats the following in his seminars.
"Where focus goes energy flows"
This is very true. Of course, a lot can go wrong. But a lot can go right too. I chose to be aware of the risks and all the hard things but to focus on how I dreamed it would go. Without knowing what I was doing, I visualized every day.
But all the focus on the difficult still took a toll on me. All children who are adopted have trauma of various kinds. I would have to deal with that. I had moments when I doubted if I could handle this. Especially considering I hadn't worked through my miscarriages and broken marriage. During this time, I went to my first coach Henrik Linder at Affärscoachen. He helped me set goals at work and in private. It became very clear to me that to get through the adoption process and then be a good mother, I had to process my own traumas and sorrows. It was absolutely necessary for me to guide my child through life. Therefore, I must lead by example.
Now that I had a clear WHY to process all the difficult things, it was obvious to open the lid and dive in.
I did a many retreats in personal development. I also assisted retreats where trauma was processed. I faced the pain from the miscarriages, the divorce, the time as a refugee and lots of other things. It was an intense period in my life that was necessary. When I faced my darkness, I also met my light. I felt more alive and full of life. Something I realized during this period is that
"Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice."
Life is not always fair. Part of being human is experiencing difficulties and hardships. The important thing is to face the difficulties. To not be afraid of the pain because it is temporary, but instead ask us: What can I learn from this? Then move on to new dreams and goals.
In the picture below, I am celebrating by myself at a SPA that I am alive and dream away about the day when I am to hold my child in my arms.
In the next blog in this series, I'll tell you what happened next with the investigations, how I got help from the universe (God or whatever we choose to believe in) and how my son and I found each other in Colombia.
With love,
Maria
Maria - March 29, 2023
Now I'm going to take you back 12 years to the time when I was married to another man and had a dream to become a mother. A dream that felt easy to realize but turned out to be the hardest and best thing I've done so far in my life. Sometimes the hardest time, the toughest day of our lives is also the best thing that could have ever happened. That's definitely the case for me. Had I not experienced this time, I would not have grown as a person. My passion for personal development had not been born. Then I wouldn't have had my son Gabriel. Or met my great love in life Mats or had our baby Maximilian. And probably I would did not write these lines that you are reading right now.
So here it comes…
Some things just have to work. Like having a baby. It's so natural somehow. At the age of 30, I was newly married and everything was great. We traveled around on exotic vacations, ate out at exciting restaurants, had good jobs, and were finally ready to have children. It was time. I remember how we planned when the baby would be born and started. We waited and waited and waited. And absolutely NOTHING happened. In the beginning we were calm and took it easy. We had time on our side. A question grew stronger and stronger with each passing month:
After a while we thought we had to act and contacted a fertility clinic. They found that I had too few egg reserves, so they recommended in vitro fertilization. My friends in vitro fertilization was terrible. First, my body would be manipulated into entering menopause and then given so much hormones that the body could produce lots of eggs. The eggs are then taken out, fertilized, and put back. Hopefully you will get pregnant. This time passed like a blur. I got pregnant on the first try. We were happy and took it a little for granted. I mean...it's clear that once you get pregnant, the baby is born full-term and healthy, right?
I was determined that nothing would stop us from succeeding so we started right away with another IVF. I dealt with the pain by going all in at work. To be clear, I did not process it at all. It was too painful. Our relationship went from being twosome to becoming “project baby” and gradually deteriorated. We did a total of 5 in vitro fertilizations with another late miscarriage. At the last miscarriage, I remember how I was admitted to Danderyd hospital in Stockholm, sitting on the hospital bed and holding my little angel boy. With tears in my eyes, I prayed to higher powers for strength and guidance.
We started looking at different solutions. I was into the choice of adoption, but my man was not. The options that remained were to be a foster family or contract a surrogate ie when a woman carries one's child. We chose to investigate the surrogate track and prepared all the papers to send to India. And friends what are the odds? Just the day before we were to send everything, India closed the borders for surrogacy. We thought life was against us. What I didn't know then but what I know now is that
Life happens for me, not to me!
The universe, God, higher powers (whatever you want to call it depending on what you believe in) showed me the way. I was on the wrong track. That was not my way forward. Deep down, I didn't want to hire a surrogate and we were no longer doing well in our relationship. I was just too scared and lost to act.
A breakthrough is a specific moment that happens when everything changes. When we make a decision that cannot be compromised. A decision that we know we must carry out regardless of what happens. The breakthrough happens when we either have so much pain that we get enough and are not willing to endure another minute or when we have a compelling future that makes us dare to take the step.
For me, my breakthrough was caused by all the pain. It happened when I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a quote that said something like "The loneliest person is the one who pretends to be happy to keep up the facade". And it hit straight to my heart.
It was me at that moment.
On paper, we looked like a happy, successful couple. We had just come back from vacation in South Africa where we had done lots of fun things but I wasn't experiencing happiness. The love between us was long dead. The only reason I stayed was to keep up the facade and that we both wanted children even if it was no longer with each other.
So I felt my breakthrough and clenched my fists. I thought and felt:
"Enough is Enough." I only live once. I don't need a man to father my child. I have love to give a child and there are children in the world who wish to receive love." So I decided then and there to get a divorce. That same evening I filed for divorce and entered the adoption queue as a single mother.
On the next blog post in this series, I'll share how things went next and how my decision shaped my destiny.
With love,
Maria
Maria - March 23,2023
Life is amazing and can show us the way if we are open to it. A month ago, I was in contact with a newspaper that did a fertility series and wanted to write a report about my path to becoming a mother due to the fact that my stork flew astray for a long time. The day before they were supposed to come to our house, they canceled because the editor thought it wasn't as profitable to report on people who finally succeeded. It made me so sad because I remember how much hope I needed in that vulnerable situation. It became a reminder of how we are fed with negative input.
BUT
"Every setback is a setup for a comeback."
I am deeply grateful for that insight because it is precisely what made us choose to start dare2dream. We want to give hope and guidance on how YOU can get more out of life. How you can become free and strong from within. It starts with daring to dream.
On Monday I was invited to share my life story in dreams and lessons in an online seminar. It was rewarding and vulnerable to share my story but also amazing to look at my life so far and realize that everything that has happened to me has happened for a reason. Although I couldn't see it at the time.
"Life happens for me not to me."
Afterwards, I was encouraged to share my biggest and most challenging dream: MY DREAM of becoming a mother!
This dream finally came true. It took me 8 years to become a mother. It's by far the best thing I've ever done. It's also the hardest and most painful thing I've ever done. It is that dream that made me grow the most as a person. It shaped me and started my journey in personal development. My intention is to awaken something within you or strengthen what is already there. The voice withing telling you that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE as long as you are open, dare and don't give up. Because then the universe (God or what we believe in) opens with new opportunities, people, etc. that help us.
So stay tuned for the next blog post 😊
Lots of love and live with passion!
Maria
Maria - March 19, 2023
If you say you are going to do something you do it no matter what. It will always come obsticles but you find a solution. That is our mindset.
So let us tell you about our dream for this weekend aka our expectations of what was supposed to happen
We signed up for "Unleash the Power Within" (UPW) withTONY Robbins Team. A total immersion in personal development that is sent virtually. The event is 12 to 15 hours long every day in 4 days. The plan was to have our romantic weekend going all in and playing full out. We arranged babysitters in two countries. We were so ready!
And the day when everything was going to start arrived. Gabriel started to vomit and we knew that we needed to separate the boys.
"It is in moments of Decisions that your Destiny is made."
We made a decision. Mats took our baby Maximilian to Åland. And then came back. My HERO!
The new situation did not stop us. We took care of Gabriel and did UPW day one. It went great. So much transformation! Then the second day came with 3 hours of sleep. Great training about the power of the mind. I played full out even though my mind took unvoluntary breaks.
Now here we are on our final day of the event. We are growing together. Life sometimes don’t turn out the way we plan. The moment I let go of our romantic weekend and started to see what does work in our life then joy came back.That shift made me appreciate my family, that I am alive, my man who supports me and that I thrive to become better everyday.
"One of the secrets to happiness is changing expectation to appreciation."
With love,
Maria
Maria and Mats- March 14, 2023
One of many things Maria and I have in common is our passion for personal growth. We love to read about it, reflect and discuss our learnings together. I am currently reading “Attractor Factor” by Joe Vitale and Maria is reading “The Energy of Money” by Maria Nemeth.
The following quote of Maria Nemeth is profound:
“Successful people do what they say they will do, and they do it with ease. They know how to use the energy in the world to get what they want. They know how to dream, attract, act with grace... And they know how to do it consistently.”
We have been doing this unconsciously in different seasons in our lives.
Have you felt that sometimes you have flow and everything is easy?
Then you have probably been using this energy to get what you dream about, act upon and manifest it. The more we are getting aware of it. The easier and meaningful life gets.
In times when life have been a struggle, we have also been tempted to think that is bad luck or that life is unfair. But the empowering truth is stated by Joe Vitale.
"You always get what you unconsciously believe and expect."
This means the more we are WILLING to be aware, willing to dream, willing to act, willing to be resourceful, willing to believe that we deserve to see our dreams come true the more magical life will be.
Recently we have been asked to share our respective life experiences about what & how we have dreamed, failed, tried again and again until we got the results we wanted. The event is about “The Law and the Promise” and focuses on the ability to dream and manifest your dreams into reality. This time the focus will be about the relationship we all have with money. This is an Swedish speaking event.
Mats- March 12, 2023
In late 2020, I was still struggling to love myself. My second long term relationship ended, and I was ready. My heart longed to find somebody to share my life with. Somebody that would love me for who I am and not for what I have or would have done. Somebody to love unconditionally. Somebody to grow old with.
But looking at the facts:
My chances looked bad for me to find love. But I knew that this is my ultimate heart’s desire. I read the quote of Brene Brown that stated:
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.”
So I decided to be pull all my courage and turned into internet dating.
After one week of something that I thought would be fun. It looked like another disastrous setback. I would not get a response from ANYONE! So I decided to take massive action, go out of my comfort zone and write a bold, honest message to one special south American “panther” that looked to have all that I was looking for. I held my breath and waited. And she answered back to my surprise. I was IN and gave it all from the start! After messaging back and forward for a few days I pulled my courage again and asked for her phone number. After hours and hours of late-night calls, we decided to meet. Maria had only 75 minutes to meet during Friday afternoon. I “happened” to be in the neighborhood. A date it was!
Friday finally came. A car ride, boatrip and car ride later I was in Stockholm. Just around the neighborhood 😊 Our first date was in a small coffee shop. The date did not go as planned. I was on the phone with a big business deal emergency. I was sweating, nervous and started to talk about my previous relationships between the calls. Maria held my hand and told me “I am not going to lie. No, it is not going well but it can only get better from now on.” We laughed, continued to talk and totally clicked. By the end of the date, I took a picture and told her that this is for us to remember this day.
I was determined to make our relationship be the ultimate one. As Tony Robbins says “95% of success or failure in a relationship is due to selection.“ You might think selection of one’s partner. But he actually means which part of myself I am choosing to bring up to the relationship. I choose to show her everyday how much she means to me. And she does the same. We work constantly on our relationship. It is not perfect, but we choose each other every day. Have common goals and help each other with our shortcomings.
Now we live together, have a family together and are partners in life. I could not have imagined that I would ever be so happy. It all started by making a decision to dare to dream of living my life with the ultimate woman for me and taking massive action.
Here are some things that help us to continue to stay madly in love:
With love,
Mats
Mats- March 8, 2023
The primary fear of us humans is that we are not enough. If I am not enough then I will not be loved. And love is the oxygen of our soul. I am a perfect example. Looking at me 25 plus years ago. Highly educated, good job, working as a model and still I had NO IDEA how to get a girlfriend. Because I did not believe that I was good enough and tried to overdeliver in every relationship to prove my self-worth. Specially in relationships with friends and intimate relationships. I have done everything and then some to make everybody happy and totally forgot that somewhere in there I deserve to be happy too. Whose responsibility is it for you and me to be happy? Is it somebody else? In my opinion no. It is my responsibility and yours to be happy. I know that I am where I am because I chose to be here.
Most people go to a relationship to get something with a lot of expectations. But a relationship is a space to give something. The purpose of a relationship is to magnify human emotions. The most dynamic relationships we have are the one with ourselves, our creator and intimate relationships. Other relationships are the ones with friends, family, coworkers, money, etc.
Tony Robbins has a powerful quote” The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships”. I heard that 15 years ago at an event and it stroked me HARD.I had very good relationships with my friends and basically everybody around me except the relationship with myself and my relationship with my wife at that time. We had different goals and values in life. I could see that very early in our relationship, but I was so afraid of not being enough, not being loved and being left out. Therefore, I staid. Thought that at least I am not alone. Oh boy I really did not love myself back then!
In the spring of 2010, I had been running my business full time for 9 years. I had two beautiful, fantastic children and I had been working hard every day to make my dreams come true. But what was really my dream? My dream was to be loved, to help other people fulfil their dreams and to see them be happy. And to show the world that a stuttering bullied dyslectic boy that was made fun of for many years could do something great with his life. But I did not realize that to be loved, proud and content then I needed to fall in love with ME. And then get a strong self-worth. I have great confidence. I work hard, go the extra mile and never give up! But I did not really feel that I was worth loving. My self-worth was missing.
Then I heard another quote by Brian Tracy “Most people stay in a loveless marriage because they are too afraid to take the step out. They believe is the best for the kids, but it hurts the kids to stay in a loveless marriage”. Okey I thought I am not afraid. I will do whatever it takes for me and my children to be happy.
I have come a long way since then. I love myself more and more every day. I get love and encouragement in the vulnerable relationship I am now. But to be honest I still work on loving myself. I have decided I will get there.
With love,
Mats
PS. I know that most of us are too afraid to even comment on it. But a mentor of mine said “What you can accept, you can never change”. DS.
Maria- March 5, 2023
We are in the mountains skiing with all the children except the youngest. Our modern family that is still in the making. A ride before lunch turned into a mess with an ambulance to the skidoctor. So here I am, in pain and filled with gratitude. Grateful that my man is my superhero who sprints up the hill to save me. Grateful that the older children take care of their little brother. Grateful for an experience that unites us. Grateful that I can live consciously and guided by my values 🙏❤
If this would had happened to me a few years ago, I would have focused on how unlucky I am. How unnecessary this is, etc. I would not allowed myself to be taken care of. Had just bite the bullet and said I can take care of myself even though it was clear that I could not.
Whether we are aware of our values or not, they guide us more or less every day. If we are not aware of our own values, there is a risk that we will be guided by the values of others. The values we have guide our attitude. Our attitude guides our behavior. Our behavior controls how we react and experience our world around us. Because we don't experience the world as it is. We experience the world as we think it is!
With love,
Maria
Maria - March 1, 2023
I have been dreaming all my life. Often I have heard that my dreams will not come true. But they have done that without exception. Unconsciously, I have used different strategies to attract and realize dreams into reality. The more I have lived, the more aware I am of these strategies. I want to share what I have experienced and let you join me on the journey to new adventures.
Today I have everything I've ever wanted. I have my amazing family. A man to love who loves me back. Children that we can take care of and watch grow up. Career-wise, I have climbed high in international companies. My job is fun and challenging with great coworkers. I earn very well. Who would have thought that this girl who lived in a refugee center for two years would achieve all this? I knew it deep down but far from many people around me, not to mention society. I am both grateful and proud. Should be more than satisfied. Yet there is a small voice that whispers that I have more to give. A longing to share what I have learned and help others dare to dream big. Become free and strong from within. Get to make a difference in the world!
Let me start from the beginning…
I am a happy and bubbly nine-year-old girl who loves to play with my cousins in Lima, Peru. My biggest dream back then was to be able to fly in an airplane. The fascination of being in the air, on the way to new adventures. My mother looked at me when I wished this and said: Oh it won't work. Noone in our family has flown before. But it so happened that on December 23, 1991, we were on a plane on our way to Sweden. We landed on Christmas Eve and applied for asylum as political refugees through my father. Amnesty International flew us here. At the refugee facility, my drive was born, my hunger to not only be allowed to stay in Sweden and enter society. I promised myself to be successful, to have a good financial situation so that I could help my family if needed. Contributing to the society I am now a part of. To never feel that we are out of money or that I am at a disadvantage.
With that drive and hunger, I studied at university and started working. I climbed the career ladder with more responsibility and senior management roles. I worked hard and consistently. Spurred to know that I did not have the odds on my side as I am a woman, an immigrant and many times much younger than those I would lead. I have fought hard to be where I am in my career. I am proud to be here. I notice how I make a difference by having a clear why with my work, seeing other people and genuinely wanting to help them get better. It's fascinating how this is my simple recipe for success.
I have had a longing to have a family of my own. My path became a little different. I got married, we tried to have children but the stork didn't come. We waited patiently for a year or so. Then we started trying in vitro fertilization, IVF. I got pregnant twice but lost both my boys. All the emotional roller coaster caused my exhusband and I to drift apart. One evening I was looking at Facebook and came across a quote about how you are never as lonely as when you keep the facade up. It felt it straight into my soul. Then I understood that I only stayed in the relationship with him to try to have a child and because it looked good on paper. Large apartment in the inner city, summer cottage with a lake plot, etc. At the same time my innervoice came back that said You have love to give a child. Somewhere in the world there are children waiting to be loved by a mother. The most important thing is not blood band but love bond. I decided then and there to file for divorce and adopt on my own. Two years later and after a lot of fighting, Gabriel and I found each other. My amazing son. We became a family
So it happened that I had my son, an exciting job but I longed to have a heartfelt relationship. A relationship that would last a lifetime where we choose each other every day. A relationship with a strong man who would be my best friend, lover, my partner to experience life with. I really had to make an effort to believe that I too would experience love. Love with a capital L. After kissing a lot of frogs, I hit the spot. Jackpot! We navigated and continue to weld our family together. Our modern family with two teenagers, Gabriel, even a dog and a cat. We thought nothing is impossible so let's try to have a child. We went to one of the leading fertility clinics in the country who said the odds were not on our side. But we could test if we wanted. No guaranties. We did that. And it was a loss. We failed and were completely devastated. But we never stopped dreaming and believing. We knew deep down that there was a meaning with everything. We were willing to keep on believing. I got pregnant for the first time in my life naturally with our miracle. It became a high-risk pregnancy where we celebrated every week that our baby was safe in my belly. Everything went well and we now have our beloved son Maximilian who is eight months old.
I am so grateful for life. Because I have dared, tried, fallen, got up again and again. Now I am on maternal leave and enjoying the time with my family. I am temporarily out of the squirrel's wheel and have time to reflect. Considering everything I've experienced, I want so badly to be able to give back. I heard that the richest place on earth is actually a cemetery where there are countless dreams buried by people who never dared to realize them. Dreams that never came true. Reality that the world never got to experience. Don't let it be one of us. I want to continue to develop. Becoming. I want to keep dreaming and make my dreams come true - this time with flow and ease. Because life is a gift. Life can be easy or hard. It is up to us to decide. The first step is to dare to dream
She believed she could so she did.
With love,
Maria
Maria and Mats - February 28, 2023
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